Unemployable

Unemployable, that’s what I am. I made the dreaded mistake of choosing to stay at home with my children for a while. I gave up a career that many would envy as a producer for a network television news program. I got out of New York and the insanity that passes for “quality of life” in its environs. I moved to a place that not only doesn’t have jobs like I did before, employers here don’t even understand what I did in my previous life. I’m a square peg in a round hole kind of town. It’s also the kind of town that is risk averse, not exactly embracing or comfortable with change… which is why what were once the city’s major employers are struggling. I know what my strengths are: I’m a good writer; I have those “desirable” interpersonal skills; I am a collegial problem-solver who manages not to piss off everyone around me in the process of coming up with solutions. I work hard and am able to balance and prioritize several projects at once. I am a fast learner. I have an Ivy league education and a background in a demanding, competitive and high-profile business. I know what my weaknesses are: actual technical expertise in anything. I can’t build anything. I’ve never had sole responsibility for producing anything except short and long-form television pieces… I’ve spent money, not raised money. I’ve only worked for non-profits or in the department of a private company which loses money. I’m old (since 46 is clearly over the hill), a mother of 4 kids, and I haven’t had a full time job in almost 7 years. So what do I have to offer a prospective employer? Apparently nothing. Either that or I am incredibly inept at selling myself… I never planned to be on the mommy track for 7 years. I worked until my third was 18 months old. I quit because child care was outrageously expensive, someone had to go to the pediatrician’s office, and because my parents—whom I hoped my kids would know well-- moved away. I thought I’d be out for a couple years, until my third was in kindergarten. But then a 4th came along… and he only just started kindergarten this year, in a district which only offers a half-day program. How naïve I was. I thought that my work experience would be enough to get me up the on-ramp and back to work. And it’s not like I’ve been sitting at home changing diapers the entire time. I’ve compulsively volunteered, doing publicity for the Girl Scouts, writing the school newsletter, sitting on non-profit boards, teaching religion—trying to keep my head in the game. I didn’t think getting back to work would be easy; but I never imagined it would be this hard… or frustrating… or damaging to my self-esteem. Everyone keeps telling me that it’s only because the jobs I’ve applied for aren’t the “right job” or “right timing” for me. They say the “right gig” will come along. I’m not so optimistic. I only hope the “right gig” finds me—or I find it—before I turn 50, and enter a whole new demographic of the unemployed.