Unemployable

Unemployable, that’s what I am. I made the dreaded mistake of choosing to stay at home with my children for a while. I gave up a career that many would envy as a producer for a network television news program. I got out of New York and the insanity that passes for “quality of life” in its environs. I moved to a place that not only doesn’t have jobs like I did before, employers here don’t even understand what I did in my previous life. I’m a square peg in a round hole kind of town. It’s also the kind of town that is risk averse, not exactly embracing or comfortable with change… which is why what were once the city’s major employers are struggling. I know what my strengths are: I’m a good writer; I have those “desirable” interpersonal skills; I am a collegial problem-solver who manages not to piss off everyone around me in the process of coming up with solutions. I work hard and am able to balance and prioritize several projects at once. I am a fast learner. I have an Ivy league education and a background in a demanding, competitive and high-profile business. I know what my weaknesses are: actual technical expertise in anything. I can’t build anything. I’ve never had sole responsibility for producing anything except short and long-form television pieces… I’ve spent money, not raised money. I’ve only worked for non-profits or in the department of a private company which loses money. I’m old (since 46 is clearly over the hill), a mother of 4 kids, and I haven’t had a full time job in almost 7 years. So what do I have to offer a prospective employer? Apparently nothing. Either that or I am incredibly inept at selling myself… I never planned to be on the mommy track for 7 years. I worked until my third was 18 months old. I quit because child care was outrageously expensive, someone had to go to the pediatrician’s office, and because my parents—whom I hoped my kids would know well-- moved away. I thought I’d be out for a couple years, until my third was in kindergarten. But then a 4th came along… and he only just started kindergarten this year, in a district which only offers a half-day program. How naïve I was. I thought that my work experience would be enough to get me up the on-ramp and back to work. And it’s not like I’ve been sitting at home changing diapers the entire time. I’ve compulsively volunteered, doing publicity for the Girl Scouts, writing the school newsletter, sitting on non-profit boards, teaching religion—trying to keep my head in the game. I didn’t think getting back to work would be easy; but I never imagined it would be this hard… or frustrating… or damaging to my self-esteem. Everyone keeps telling me that it’s only because the jobs I’ve applied for aren’t the “right job” or “right timing” for me. They say the “right gig” will come along. I’m not so optimistic. I only hope the “right gig” finds me—or I find it—before I turn 50, and enter a whole new demographic of the unemployed.

Wanting it all both ways...

Whether it's discussions about the state or federal budgets, the use of American troops in Libya, or a job search, it seems like we all want things both ways.
In the case of the budget, everyone wants a budget to be balanced. No one wants our government (whether local or national) to spend more of our money than it takes in, but no one is willing to give up what he or she already has to make it happen. Rather, the preference is to have someone else give up what THEY have... because, as we all know, you can't have everything!
In Libya-- critics of the US intervention say it's both too little too late, and too soon (without Congress' undoubtedly lengthy arguments over should we or shouldn't we) and too much. No one wants Ghaddafi to slaughter thousands of his own people-- particularly if we can stop it from happening. Yet, with two on-going wars, no one wants to get involved in a third. So we go in to Libya, probably too late to avoid a stalemate, and try to have it both ways.
As I've searched for jobs on and off over the last year, I've begun to think employers want it both ways, too. They have a need to fill-- and describe the person they'd like to fill that need with required levels of education, experience and personal skills. They want someone with experience, but not enough experience to be a threat to those already employed there. They want someone who is creative and can "think out of the box," but end up hiring the person who did exactly the same job somewhere else-- not exactly thinking outside the box themselves. They can't ask about a person's marital status or family, but clearly would rather hire an unencumbered younger person than a middle-aged worker with a family.
I want it both ways, too. I want to have a fulfilling career AND time for my family. I want to "be there" for my kids, and be everything to my employer. People talk about "balance," as though it were something that--like the tree pose in yoga-- you can achieve with patience and practice... But my fear is that in wanting it both ways, you get none of it.