I got an e-mail from a friend last night. She's depressed, worried that at mid-life she isn't where she should be, overwhelmed by day-to-day stressors that seem to grow as each day passes.
I told her I could relate to her frustration. I wonder how many of us are at a place in our lives that actually matches the expectations we had when we were younger? Some things in my life have turned out as I hoped: I'm married with children and we live in a house in a good school district. Those are important things.
But there's an on-going dissatisfaction with the passage of time-- the feeling that there was supposed to be something more, something greater I should have accomplished by now. Was it writing a screenplay? Earning an Emmy? Actually, in my case, all I really hoped for was a succeesful work-life balance: a satisfying career -- with a temporary step away to parent my preschoolers-- and happy homelife. Wierdly, that goal seems more unobtainable than the Emmy. Too much gets in the way: the car breaks down and needs an expensive new transmission; a planned addition to the house costs way more than anticipated and leads to crushing debt; income is unpredictable and health insurance more and more costly...
As the old saying goes: "At least we have our health."
As we get older, I think we wind down our own aspirations and replace them with aspirations for our kids. I want my children to have experiences, not stuff. To be everything they can be-- while understading the need to help others along the way. When I get too wrapped up in my own dissatisfaction, I try to remember that crabby moms create crabby kids... and they don't need that.
I think I still have great things to accomplish. This blog is one way of getting me there. And in the meantime, I still have my health! Fingers crossed!
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